Pre-marital Gratification

In today’s culture and heritage, it is common to find the person who holds the opinion that it is not only acceptable, but quite beneficial to “test the merchandise” (sexually speaking) before any serious commitment is made between a man and a woman (hopefully we can assume that we are talking about a man and a woman).
The view is supported by some of the following thoughts…
“Sex is such a BIG part of a marriage relationship, so it would be crazy to enter into marriage without knowing how sexually compatible the two of you are.”
Carnal reasoning and empty philosophy supporting this behavior is such as this….
“I’m not saying that we should go out and have sex with everyone we are interested in, but it is definitely smart to do so when you find someone you are seriously considering marrying someone.”
Clearly these thoughts are only derived from our natural tendency to justify what we have always known and always will know to be improper behavior. As humans, we fall into temptation so easily and the first natural reaction is the great deal of guilt that we feel for what we have done. So, the natural thing that we then do is to come up with a really good reason, excuse, pardon, or exception to the rule, which makes our mistake look not only justified, but in some cases, an “acceptable personal decision”.
Time and time again we hear people say, “Oh, but I am really in love with her!!!”
Or, “We are merely showing our love for each other in the most natural way possible….”
Or, “Hey, to each their own. We all have to make choices we will pay for later…”
Or, “It is different with us, we have a special understanding about that kind of stuff…”
Or, “Hey, sex is not any worse that any other stuff that you can do….”
Empty philosophy to me…
God clearly has designed sex to be for within marriage and not to be abused or toyed with. Sex is God’s blessing and gift to two people who are not only in love, but are totally and 100% committed to each other.
Here is the point that I must make concerning this topic. A popular non-Christian view is that the goal of pre-marital sexual experimentation is to avoid the “devastating” possibility of winding up spending the rest of your married life with a sexual partner who is not as good as you. They obviously think that unless the two people in a sexual partnership are not equally matched with sexual level of ability, the sexual partnership will simply be unfruitful. NONSENSE!!!! This idea suggests that only people who are “good” at sexual intercourse have any business participating in it!!! How ridiculous!!! Here is what I hope to be a useful analogy: In sports, there are different “levels” of talent. In the sport of basketball, you have many different levels ranging from Professional and Olympic, all the way to small local leagues or pick-up games. Not only can the basketball players with the least amount of natural talent have fun playing the sport, most commonly they usually possess a great attitude towards the game and those they are playing it with. We have all seen what can happen when tempers and egos collide in professional sports.
To take this analogy a little further, we observe that to be perfectly honest to ourselves, we must admit that what really is fun about sports is who we are playing with and how well we get along and help each other from a “team” perspective. I believe that this concept applies directly to a successful marriage. The two partners or “teammates” have to be not only committed to each other in love, but they must strive to “get along” and “help each other”. This goes for other activities other that sex. Is it not clear that when one basketball player is more gifted with natural ability that the other, the last thing that he should do to promote a “good basketball experience” for all persons involved, is to be cocky, or impatient with the others’ shortcomings? Is it not clear that this also applies to marriages?
My point in a nutshell, is that I believe that the physical QUALITY of the act of sex isn’t and shouldn’t be the criterion of a successful sexual relationship. And furthermore, I believe that what really and truly edifies a relationship is the level of love and commitment that is in it. God designed sex as a gift of ecstasy to bless two people who are totally in love with each other and committed to one another. The mindset of a spouse or mate should not be, “How much will he/she give me?” or “What has he/she given me lately?” Instead, “How much can I give him/her?” or “What have I done for him/her lately?” At the very heart of such attitudes, we find the Christ-like, unconditional love, which I believe to be the only kind of love that can ever begin to be the foundation of both a successful marriage and a healthy sexual relationship experience. This may seem simplistic and ridiculously idealistic, but we have forgotten what to shoot for in a marriage. We simply think that if we have found a person that we don’t argue with, we have an ideal marriage. NOPE!!! Folks, we owe it to ourselves to strive for the ultimate marriage achievement. The kind of marriage that God wants us to be blessed with!!! Let’s not settle for the worlds’ idea of a successful marriage, but strive for the blissful uniting of two people that are crazy about pleasing one another for as long as they are together, both sexually and non-sexually. Let’s face it…how long are your bodies going to be “sexually admirable”, and when that passion fades, what will be there to sustain the marriage?
In closing, is it a mere coincidence that our divorce rate has steadily risen over the years, as has the growing acceptance and encouragement of premarital sex? How are we to clearly discern, reason, and evaluate the condition of a relationship if our minds are clouded with passion and intimacy, which were designed for after we make our final decision and commitment? My belief is that experimenting sexually before marriage NEVER helps that relationship. I have never heard ANYONE say, “Man, I am glad that me and my spouse had sex before we got married!!!” Let’s not kid ourselves. Stay pure and save that beautiful God-given gift for the right time.