The Condition of Love

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Perhaps you've seen the following tag-lines for one of the latest online dating services, called True. The success of such services says something about our view or definition of love.

We seem to want it really bad.
We seem to hope we "find" it someday.
Also, we seem to be extremely afraid of getting hurt by it.

Our concept of love is seriously jacked. From any religious/scientific/etc. viewpoint, biology shows us that the continuation of the human race requires reproduction. Fortunately, this seems to be spurred along by this thing we've noticed called attraction. This and many other means traditionally meet their end in what we have called the family. Regardless of your beliefs about marriage, sex, etc., you will no doubt agree that on a very basic sense, things are just better when the family stays together. Perhaps that is why we are often scared to start a family. We see so many families go through so much pain, we just opt out and spare ourselves the grief.

Just taking a wild stab in the dark, but just maybe the way we think actually does affect our actions. If so, then the way we think about love should be of the utmost concern. If we have a misconception of what love is, it can cause much harm in all of our relationships. Allow me to share what I feel to be our biggest misconception about love.

I think our ‘love’ is far too conditional.

By that, I mean that true (idealistic, but still true) love is unconditional. We tend to love things (or people) if they are beneficial to us or if they make us happy, etc. The moment the thing (or person) lets us down, or fails to meet an expectation that we had, our ‘love’ lessens, or we cease to ‘love’ it anymore.

We must stop thinking, choosing, and living this way.

If we continue to believe that love is something you find, we’re doomed. As the by-line from the recent film Closer rightly says, “If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking.” Love is not something you look for, it’s something you choose to do. In U2’s latest album, Bono prophetically discerns between true love and romance in the song A Man And A Woman:

True love never can be rent
But only true love can keep beauty innocent

I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

I am a Christian, and I would like to see the Church around the world begin to exemplify the love that is characterized in so many Bible passages such as these:

“for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.” – Song of Songs 8:6-7

“If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?” - Jesus in Matthew 5:46

“…Love…is not self-seeking…” – That passage that so often goes in one ear and out the other at weddings (a.k.a. 1 Corinthians 13).

As eloquently as these statements are, I also believe that this kind of love does not come naturally, but rather is supernatural. This is why I believe that we need Gods help to love this way. Left to ourselves, we humans are pretty selfish. May we learn to love others as I believe God does.